The tooth.
Monday 6 August 2007
Initially, I have to inform you that I am in a lot of pain.
At some point today, one of my molars decided to kind of fall apart. Basically, the side fell out, and as this particular tooth contained a filling ("Look ma, no cavities!" / "Shut the fuck up!"), that is now sticking out into my mouth, like a little dagger. And, subsequently, has formed an ulcer on my tongue, and then decided to cut it open. So the tooth hurts, and my tongue hurts. And the ulcer on my tongue hurts.
Now, this isn't your typical doorman bravado, but it might amuse you to know that because my tongue is swollen, I've been talking like Joey Deacon on valium for most of the night.
"Cann I thee your path pleathe?"
"What?"
Anyway... on to this evening's highlights. Remember that owner who was booted off park for headbutting Bilbo? ("Foursomes, firings and fights.") Well, as I mentioned back then, I was off that night and so never got to meet the guy. Well, this knowledge was clearly known to the chap and his cohorts, as, bold as brass, they came up to me tonight, alone at the gate, waving their passes around (which, for some fucking reason, they still had) and naturally I let them through. Five minutes later, Bilbo calls me on the radio, and asks to meet him outside the arcade. He looks a tad stressed. Let's call the banned ex-owner Moonie.
"Yeah... Moonie is in the complex."
"Oh right," I say, not thinking much about it, because of course I never actually saw him go inside, "Well, kick him out then."
"I'm not doing it," says Bilbo, "He headbutted me, remember."
I did. "Fine," I say, and go inside to find Moonie. It doesn't take long, and after I've intrigued him with a, "Sorry mate, you have a complex ban I believe? Yeah, I'll have to escort you back outside the gates." he exits. He's fine, a little embarrassed if anything. His missus, however, who by all accounts caused most of the problems that led to them being kicked off the park, gives me all kinds of p'urty mouth. I don't think much of it - I'm immune to most of that shit now.
Outside, however, once I've made sure Moonie and his biatch are long gone, one of the non-banned owners who was with them drops a bombshell on me - Moonie never headbutted Bilbo. He went to headbutt him, sure, she says, but pulled himself back in time when he realised it was not who he thought. She knows this because she witnessed it. Bilbo, in his infinite wisdom, pulled the classic 'fighter's' trick of saying x happened when really it was x-1.
Now, you might be thinking, hold on, what if she was telling you porky pies mate? And usually I'd go along with that perspective, or at least give it an even shot at the mic. But this is Bilbo we're talking about, who lies about fucking everything. The (female) owner seemed absolutely plausible. After all, what did she have to gain? We weren't going to reverse the ban, because Moonie had done numerous other things that night to more than justify it.
Does it matter? Not really, as that ship has long sailed. But as I've pointed out many times, every fucking story has a zillion sides.
posted by Sheamus @ 2:45 am
