The best of ENTS.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Thunder and lightning, very very frightening.
Actually, this kind of weather doesn't bother me at all - I find it quite soothing, to be honest - but Jesus Christ I didn't half get soaked tonight. As a result, the main complex was borderline deserted for most of the night, with sensible folk deciding they were far better off with a good night in, albeit one in a caravan.
So, I'll entertain you with a couple of amusing stories from the world of ENTS instead. ENTS, in case you've forgotten, is shorthand for the complex in-house 'entertainment'.
This first one came directly from the current ENTS manager, and he told it to me a while back after he'd had a couple of beers. It happened a few seasons ago. It was a Saturday and he'd put on a show in the family bar to well over a thousand people. It had gone down tremendously well and afterwards, as he was leaving the main complex, lots of people came up to him to congratulate him, shake his hand, get a photo, an autograph, etc. He told me he was lapping it up as it rarely happens. However, all week he said this little six-year old girl had been following him around - "bugging me", as he put it - and she had this habit of going up behind him and repeatedly pulling on his shirt and saying his name, over and over until she got his full attention.
Now, however, his attention was fully elsewhere. He was standing outside near some steps, and she was behind him, again repeatedly tugging on his shirt and saying his name. He was surrounded by a throng and they were all shaking his hand, etc etc, as above. More with the tugging and the name-calling. Over and over. "In a minute, in a minute," he kept saying to her, but she wasn't having it.
Eventually, somewhat out of frustration but also absent-mindedly, he reached his hand back and kind of pushed her away... and she fell backwards down the stairs and cracked her head open.
Well, naturally the shit hit the old fan. The parents turned up and went furious. The child was rushed away for some emergency stitching and when they came back, the ENTS manager was taken into a full disciplinary with the park GM. The parents were called in, and when they saw him, they immediately started with a, "You fucking really hurt my..."
To which the ENTS boss replied, "I'm sorry, what was that? Did you just swear at me? I'm sorry, but I'm not having that..." and he went on and said it in such a way that the disciplinary concluded with them apologising to him and dropping the matter. Fuck me! He told me he was almost shatting himself with fear but had enough of the gift of the gab to turn it all around. But it doesn't make that story any less of a shocker, really, does it?
Part two. Again with the family bar. Each night there's a special kids show where the park mascots turn up, a bit like Disney characters in full costumes, and entertain. Now, while these furry fuckers are big, the space inside the costume is quite small and so only the female ENTS members can put them on. There's a huge deal at my place about how the kids must NEVER know that their favourite characters are anything but real (we're actually told to say, when asked, that they "came from the jungle". Can you believe this job?) and so nobody apart from ENTS staff and very little children are allowed anywhere near them.
However, this wasn't always the case; a few seasons back, while the characters were on stage a band was always with them, and they played incidental music and interludes, sound effects, and that kind of stuff. They'd been doing it for years, and were well-known on the circuit, with lots of work. This one night, however, they'd had a few sherberts before going on, and one of them had the 'hilarious' idea of sneaking up behind one of the main characters and pulling their mask off mid-skit. Now, this might seem kind of amusing at first, but here's the thing. These masks are heavy, and because they're so big are supported by all this interior metal wiring. They don't come off easy, and have to be kind of wriggled off. However, when yanked off, they tend to catch on the skin a bit. And that's exactly what happened. Big furry character's mask is ripped off, and with it half of the ENTS girl's nose and some of her lip and cheek matter. Cue, blood pouring down her face, and her and several hundred kids screaming in terror. Her shrieks were caused by agony; the kids, that their favouritist mascot has actually just been beheaded and, worse, there's the bloodied corpse of one of the ENTS girls inside.
Surprise to say, the band never worked, or probably had to pay for drinks, again.
posted by Sheamus @ 2:00 am
