They're all out to get us. Especially you.
Tuesday 22 May 2007
One of the weirdest things about my place of work is all the conspiracy theories.
Everybody thinks everybody else is out to get them.
Not me of course; I know they are.
Particularly in security, there's a lot of "Did you hear what so-and-so did...?" and "I don't know about you, but I reckon..."
The problem is that we get fed so many half-truths and anorexic promises that it becomes easy to buy into it all. It also didn't help that the most experienced doorstaff member got the boot not too long after we started ('We Ain't Got Jack'). That added a lot of fuel to the fire.
Current rumours in circulation:
- The Lodge is suing the company for a recent injury that occured at work (she tripped over a plant. No, really.)
- The Lodge is being paid more per hour than anybody else on the entire staff roster. (security, or otherwise), despite doing a lot less work (certainly of the risky kind.)
- The entire park is some kind of Mafia front; there's no way they could take in so much money and put out so little. Where does it all go?
- Everybody outside of the security team is either related to or sleeping with somebody else (on park.)
- One of the managers is skimming from the till. Which explains the car.
- One of the bargirls is sleeping with no less than six other blokes (at the same time.)
- And this is the main reason why she recently got moved down to the lower bar.
- One of the older employees is actually a paedophile. Who would choose to suddenly start working in an arcade in their 50s?
- Several employees have 'hushed-up' criminal records, usually for GBH.
- After the security have left for the night, whoever is left converges into the main complex for Society-style orgies, which explains why several punters seem to just 'vanish'.
- Jimmy Krankie is, in fact, a woman.
To top all this off, I figured out tonight that I'm actually related - albeit by marriage - to the latest security employee, who'll soon be moving to the doors. And this is the first time I've ever met him, even though he's known my brother for years. Mental.
Additionally, Bilbo has taken a second job - cleaning, for some fucking reason, in the day - and we know this is going to lead to several 6pm-bouts of "I'm tired", and him not turning up for fucking work. It's one thing to need a few more hours, but why not just do a bit more in security, you cunt? Men.
Or maybe that's just what he wants us to think...
posted by Sheamus @ 3:00 am
