Mental.
Thursday 5 April 2007
Yesterday, a lady came up to me and asked me to keep an eye on her grandson; he was about seven or so, and specifically she asked me to ensure he didn't leave the complex. I said I'd do the best I could, but it really wasn't my job. Besides, there are thousands of kids swarming around. Unless they're causing trouble, one pretty much looks like another.
Well, she repeated the same request tonight, except this time the kid wasn't around. I said, again, I'd do my best, etc etc, blah blah blah.
Well, later on a bunch of kids came up to me and said that there was this one child who was jumping up and down on one of the arcade machines, swearing at everybody, kicking people, and generally being a right pest. I went up to him, and it was that same seven-year old (although I didn't really cotton on to this until later.)
To be honest, he looked a sweet enough kid. I got him off the machine and asked the others again what he had been doing, and they said the same stuff, but added he'd also been sticking his fingers up at everybody. So, I crouched down to his level and said something like, "Listen mate, you can't really do that..."
And the little bugger stuck his fingers up.
After tracking down his grandmother it turned out the little chap was autistic. Nothing much to be done there; he seemed, as I said, sweet enough, and I basically turned a blind eye from that point forward, but did keep an eye out for him when I could. This episode, however, turned out to be the nicest story of a night that could only be described as mental. Now, I don't mean any offense, but that term works perfectly on a two-fold basis tonight - one, because all kinds of crap kicked off and, two, it did appear to be, for want of a better term, 'special needs night'.
Everybody needs a pass to enter the complex. The pass is king; the pass, in fact, is gold dust. Without it, you're back on the street. Now, typically, this is fine. Most people accept and understand that if we let passless locals into the complex they're getting for free what everybody else is shelling out for. However, if you're one of those 16-year old jailbaiters I mentioned yesterday this doesn't concern you. What does matter is getting those 'well hot' boys you met earlier today down Priory Meadow into the clubs. You can accomplish this like so: enter the complex with your best mate, both of you with valid passes. Later, leave the complex alone, and go and meet one boy outside. Return with said boy, quickly flashing passes to avoid close inspection from the door staff. Then, other friend leaves complex, meets other boy, and repeats. If more boys are available, keep doing this until x locals are inside the complex. Heck, why not invite a few more of their female mates, too. Before you know it, it's a fucking party.
Now, a week or so ago this was clearly going on but we were none the wiser. However, since being told a few days ago that so many locals had crept past us we've really sorted ourselves out; fuck me if we aren't on stealth mode 24/7 now. Nobody in the 12-17 bracket gets past us without a thorough pass inspection. A quick flash won't do, honey, in every sense. The funny part about this is that a certain percentage of kids seem to just forget their passes, but instead of walking miles back to where they've left them, they'll either borrow or steal one off of somebody else. This means that another person is without a pass. Often this is one of their friends, so they'll go back outside and hand this rogue pass to a mate, then come back in alone knowing we'll let them re-enter because we've already seen them. The friend then enters with the dodgy pass.
Well, that shit ended tonight. If you were 12-17, you were fucking checked if you even breathed a bit too closely to the exit doors. What we discovered was thrice-fold: one, that a core group were sharing about five passes between about ten of them; two, that a few of the jailbaiters were actually locals who'd been coming here for days; and three, that when you catch people out they more often than not go fucking loopy.
One kid smashed his mobile phone up in front of us. I mean, literally to smithereens. The shattered pieces were still there when I finally left at 3am. Others whose passes had expired several days ago start going to such ridiculous lengths to justify why this has happened and how it was actually okay that at some point you find yourself admiring their chutzpah.
Ultimately, I ended up confiscating a whole bunch of passes, two 17-year olds got carted off the site and an entire pack of rabid locals went home with their tails firmly between their knock-kneed legs.
After all that, it got better. Then the adults started losing it.
One chap who we let in was being shown out literally 25 minutes later for being loud, abusive and offensive to the ENTS girls. Once outside, he threatened to bottle all the 'fat bald bouncer cunts' and went so mental that I suspected for a second or two that he might actually spontaneously combust. The situation got to a point where his 'mother' - actually a carer - turned up to deal with it; she didn't fancy getting near him, however, and explained to us that he'd recently had a brain hemorrhage and was prone to doing this. Yeah, great idea to take him on holiday and get him plouged with alcohol then, love.
Another chap entered the venue totally pissed and was soon escorted out. Later, I was called to a 'disturbance' outside and turned up to find him face down in a hedge with his trousers around his ankles, somewhere mid-shit. Obviously I wasn't going to deal with that. That's for the boys in park. About twenty minutes later, though, he turned up at the main gates again. We saw him off, but fucking hell, he must have been walking on a pant-full of logs.
The owner I mentioned a while back did actually turn up and apologise. Actually, what he said was, "I have no problems with what happened last week mate," which with analysis sounded a bit less like an apology from him and more like he was accepting one from me. However, everybody I've spoken to says he's a good sort and it was very out-of-character so I'm prepared to leave it at that, assuming it doesn't happen again. He left quietly enough tonight.
With thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ and/or Lucifer, depending on who is really in charge, I'm now just beginning two wonderful days off, so don't expect much from me until early Sunday morning. Until then, take care of yourselves.
posted by Sheamus @ 3:59 am
